Did You Mean It?
by Eggnog Starfish 37
Summary: Tony and Ziva make a mistake, and Tony says something he doesn't mean to say. What are the effects of those words on Ziva? Ziva POV, TonyxZiva


Well, this is my first story so... yeah. I tried. I don't own anyone. Read and review. Please. :)

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><p>"I love you," he whispers in my ear.<p>

What am I supposed to do now? The only reason I slept with him was cause I was slightly drunk. Does he mean it? Do I love him back?

"What?"

"I don't know. It just came out. It felt right."

"Do you mean it?"

"I don't know. We shouldn't have done this. You know… rule 12."

"You need to leave now."

Next Day at Work

"Hello, Ziva."

"Hello."

"How are you?"

"Fine." Ok, now what? How am supposed to act? He told me he loved me last night. Gibbs will find out if we keep acting like this. Now that I think of it, he probably already knows. He always knows.

"Morning Ziva, Tony."

"Good morning, Tim." I hear a small grunt from Tony who is staring straight at me when I look up from my e-mail. Why does he do that? It is like he is trying to read my thoughts. If somebody does not say something McGee is going to get suspicious. Apparently he can read my thoughts.

"So how was your date last night McGee?" he says standing up walking to McGee's desk.

"It was actually better than I thought it would be considering you set it up for me"

Tony does some movie star impersonation that I do not get but I do not hear any more. I am too busy wondering how he can look so good when he has a facial expression like that on. And the way he wears completely average clothes but look so much more than average.

"Grab your gear. We have a dead sailor in Norfolk"

I jump when Gibbs walks in. I think he notices how I jump out of my trance.

The ride to the crime scene is completely silent. Except when McGee winces as Gibbs speeds up suddenly. It is all I can do not to look at Tony and just take the pictures while we are there. The ride back seems longer than it was to get there.

"Ziva, find his family. DiNozzo, bank records. McGee, you're with Abby."

Tony, Gibbs, and I work quietly at our desks for what seems like more than the half hour it is.

"I'm going to get coffee. You two go see if Abby and McGee have something."

All three of us stand up and walk quickly out of the squad room. The elevator opens as soon as I hit the button. We get in and stand next to each other on the way down. Tony opens his mouth to say something but closes it when I look at him. What an idiot. He can't even look me in the eye and say what he is thinking about. _Ding. _We climb out of the elevator and walk into Abby's lab to find the two of them so close to the computer screen they are almost touching it. And each other.

"Whaddya got Abs?" Tony makes them jump and hit heads.

"Hey Tony! Wait, where's my Caf-Pow?"

"Uh, oops."

"Ugh! You are such a dipwiki!"

"Abby, I have no idea what you just called him, but do you have anything to show us?"

She smiles at me and goes to her computer.

"Yes, Ziva, I do. Ok so this fiber took us longer than it should have to identify because it's not a normal type of thread…."

Her voice fades from my ears as I let her ramble. I smile when Tony puts on his fake interested look. McGee says something about carpet and cars. I slip into a daydream about what it would be like to actually have a normal date with Tony. I wonder about how he would look at me if we were having a conversation that didn't involve blood and witnesses.

"Ziva? You in there?"

"What? Yes, Abby. Are you done?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to know why you had that weird smile on."

"Oh, sorry. I was thinking."

Tony walks out of the room. Abby smiles and winks. What was that for? I get to the elevator just as it opens. Tony and I get in and hit the button to go to autopsy. Tony looks at me then hits the off switch. He turns and leans towards the wall.

"I don't know how to say this to you, Ziva."

"Then don't." That sounded a lot bitchier than I meant it. He looks at me with his hazel, puppy dog eyes and turns the elevator on again. He doesn't look at me again. _Ding. _Ducky is going on about how the victim was stabbed then shot and not the other way around. All I can think of is last night. We walk over to the x-ray light box. Why did he say that? How long has he felt that way? Does he really feel that way? Or is it something he just said in the heat of the moment? What am I supposed to do? Do I tell him I feel the same way? Do I let the feeling pass? The only problem with that is that I do not think it ever will. In a way I do not want to admit I feel it. I do not want it to end like all of my other relationships. I do not want Tony to die, or get arrested, or any of the other things that seem to happen when someone dates me.

"Gibbs needs us upstairs in interrogation. Come on, Ziva."

I didn't even hear his cell phone ring. What's wrong with me? I need to focus. I cannot be like this on the job. _Ding. _Up we go to the dark side of the one-way glass. We stand in silence and watch Gibbs question the witness or suspect or whatever he is.

"Did you mean what you said last night?"

"Yeah, your new apartment is really nice."

"Idiot. That is not what I meant and you know it. I mean when you said…."

"I know what you meant." His eyes close and his fists clench in his pockets.

"Did. You. Mean it?"

He lets the breath he was holding and says, "I don't… I don't know."

I am steaming with anger on the inside. "Then why the hell did you say it?"

"I… Ziva—I—"

"No. Just do not say anything. You are a self-centered, egotistical jerk! Why did I ever sleep with you? I should have known you could not take a woman seriously!"

"Ziva, I—"

"No, Tony! I do _not_ want to hear your excuses. You—"

"Ziva, shut up! Gibbs is coming."

"Did you honestly just tell me to shut up? I cannot believe—" the sound of the door opening closes my mouth. Gibbs walks in angry as ever.

"_What_ is going on in here? The man in there is trying to tell me what happened and you two are in here arguing! I don't care what's going on or how you fix it, but if you're not over it by the time I'm done with the interrogation you are _both_ off the case!"

"Yes, Gibbs"

"Sorry, Gibbs"

"Don't apologize. It's a sign of weakness. And I know, Ziva, you are not weak."

He slams the door shut and Tony and I are left with only the sound of the ticking clock. What now? It is too awkward standing in here. I go into the hall and wait for Gibbs to be finished. I put my head in my hands. What? Am I going to cry? No. I will _never_ let anyone ever see me cry again. As Gibbs said, I am not weak. I am the strongest woman I know. With the exception of my mother of course.

"Ziva." I try and stop him but he won't let me. "Ziva, just listen. I've made my decision… I meant it. I don't care if you feel the same way and I can't tell you how long I've felt this way, but it's a true feeling. Well as true as DiNozzo feelings get."

"Tony, I—"

"No, just listen. I want you to know this because for me this feeling will never go away. And if you don't feel the same way we won't be able to work together. So when this case is over, I'm going to quit."

"Tony…" I step so close to him I can feel his body heat. I look into his hazel eyes. "I love you too." He starts leaning closer to me. I feel his breath hit mine. _Click_. The interrogation door opens. We immediately separate. Gibbs steps out into the hallway and looks at us.

"Are you done or do I need to find temporary replacements?" Gibbs stares and waits for an answer.

"We're good," Tony replies for both of us.

Gibbs looks at me and I nod.

"What did Abby have?" He looks into my eyes when he asks. I have no idea.

"She found a match to the fiber but none to the finger print," Tony answers. I know he knows I was not listening. He can always tell what I am thinking and it makes me crazy. According to him I have always been a… What did he say? 'A crazy Israeli chick with impulse issues.' But now I am more than that to him. And he means more to me.

Tony leaves during lunch. I sit and eat snacks out of the vending machines. Nobody knows where Gibbs is. He disappears like he does almost every day. McGee is still with Abby downstairs. I eat alone in peace. Tony walks in and sits at his desk. Almost immediately after he sits down, his phone rings. It is Abby. She needs to show us something. Now.

When we get to the elevator, Tony puts his hand on mine on top of the button. It seems like he does it on purpose. We climb in. We go down the first floor in silence. Then he looks at me. Like he is trying to find something in my eyes. I turn towards him. He steps closer. I look up. He leans down. Our lips meet. He tries to reach and flip the off switch, but we are already all the way down.

The doors open.

Abby gasps.


End file.
